How solo travel changed my life as a shy person
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I’ve travelled to more than 30 countries solo, but once upon a time going up to a counter and asking to buy a train ticket would have absolutely terrified me.
I spent my entire childhood and my teenage years being painfully shy.
What does “painfully shy” mean, you might ask? For me, it meant I had no idea how to talk to new people so I never initiated conversations, rarely engaged in conversations, and avoided all social situations outside of my close friends.
It wasn’t that I didn’t want to be social — I genuinely felt like I didn’t know how.
That, paired with social anxiety (though I didn’t even realise I had it the time) made it really hard for me to come out of my shell.
Despite all this, I always had this deep desire to explore the world — a seemingly wild aspiration for someone who would feel anxious at the thought of purchasing a train ticket from a manned counter.
The thing is I really didn’t want to be shy because I knew it was holding me back.
In 2012, I really battled to push my anxieties aside when I made a decision to move to the USA for four months through a university exchange program. While I managed to physically move abroad, it wasn’t like everything changed as soon as I landed. In fact, I spent the first two weeks feeling isolated and incredibly homesick – spending many hours crying on the phone to my mum about how I just wanted to go home.
I reached a point where I had to decide whether to go home or stick it out. This had been my dream for so long – and even though I was having a miserable time – I knew that I hadn’t really given it my best shot. But I felt stuck, unsure how to overcome the mental barriers holding me back – my thoughts, anxieties, and fears seemed impossible to navigate.
I ended up sitting down with the Exchange Student Coordinator at the college. She reassured me that it was okay to go home if that’s what I wanted but also echoed what I already knew: “Have you given this your best shot?” She encouraged me to stay and to start saying “yes” to any opportunities or invitations that came my way – even if they scared me.
Over the following weeks, I made a point of accepting every invitation that came my way and tried to participate more in class. That might sound so easy, but it was anything but – it terrified the absolute heck outta me! My palms (honestly, my whole body) would be sweaty and hot, and I constantly stumbled over my words.
But somehow, having an Australian accent around Americans worked in my favour – people seemed more focused on the way I was speaking than on what I was actually saying. It was an unexpected advantage that made anything I felt uncomfortable saying feel a little less significant. The more I forced myself into these uncomfortable situations, the more I started to grow comfortable with the discomfort.
Now, I wouldn’t necessarily recommend a bold move overseas like I did – though it did change my life – but putting in place achievable goals is a great way to start tackling your shyness.
Having the courage to push yourself outside of your comfort zone – and embrace discomfort – in the first place is truly the first step to growth.
Of course, shyness doesn’t magically disappear overnight or as soon as you step foot in a new country – and it’ll be a bit of a journey of its own to overcome it.
I always thought my shyness was a weakness – and while there’s been a bit of a journey to become more comfortable embracing my shyness and navigating social situations, I never thought it would be an opportunity for me to write about and help others with the stories, tips and guides I share here in my Shy Solo Traveller Guide.
It’s also important to remember that shyness can stem from many different origins, so understanding the roots of your own shyness is key. Recognising where it comes from can help you manage it better as you take steps towards change.
The truth is that you don’t need to be outgoing or the most confident person to start travelling solo.
While I’m certainly more confident and comfortable when engaging with new people now, I’m still shy. And, I likely will always be a little shy! But I don’t let it hold me back as much as I once did – and, you don’t have to either!
It’s about learning how to travel solo while being shy — and you might just find it helps you come out of your shell.
