How to make friends at hostels when you’re shy
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When I first started travelling solo, as someone who is shy, I wasn’t convinced hostels were for me. Stories of sleepless nights caused by drunken roommates, rustling bags, clanging lockers, and relentless snorers didn’t exactly sound like a fun experience. As a shy traveller, all of those things paired with the idea of navigating a social space filled with strangers, and not knowing how to make friends at hostels felt pretty intimidating.
And now, I have to admit that hostels are one of the best places to meet people while travelling – even when you’re shy. It certainly has been for me! In Budapest, I was adopted for a night out by a group of German students. In Mostar, I found myself in deep late-night conversations about travel with an older lady at a family-run hostel. And, in Berlin, I made friends with a roommate, and we explored the city together.
Despite still being a little nervous when I first step into a new hostel, I now know how to make friends at hostels – even as a shy person – and I’m here to share them with you.
1. Book accommodation through HostelWorld (and use their app!)
HostelWorld is focused solely on hostel-style accomodation options, making it a useful and tailored platform to research and book these kinds of stays.
Look for hostels with common spaces, and high ratings for atmosphere, activities and events. As well as those factors, choose the room setup that balances your comfort level with opportunities to step out of your shell.
Once you’ve booked accomodation through HostelWorld, don’t forget to download their app! The HostelWorld has features like group chats, allowing you to connect with fellow travellers before you even arrive who are staying in the same hostel and city.
2. Spend time in common areas
Common areas are generally designed for interaction, and creating community. Whether it’s a lounge, kitchen, or activity area – some hostels may even have rooftop, bar, or garden – simply spending time in these areas is a great way to open yourself up to opportunities to connect with fellow travellers.
In Mostar, the dorms were quite small, so I stepped out to the patio to get some air and probably scroll through Instagram. After sitting there for a while, an older lady joined me at the table and we started chatting about our travels, which wouldn’t have happened if I didn’t utilise the common space.
Instead of staying in your dorm bunk doom scrolling on your phone, take it to the common lounge. Making a coffee? Enjoy it in the kitchen, or hang out in the garden. Just being in common areas where people are coming and going increases your chances of meeting someone new.
“Not sure how to start a conversation in a common space? Begin by introducing yourself: “Hi, I’m [your name].” Once they respond, you can keep it going with, “How long have you been in [destination] so far?”
3. Cook and/or eat in the kitchen
Hostel kitchens are the social hubs, usually because every hostel has one. Whether someone’s making a coffee or cooking a meal, the kitchen provides opportunities to strike up conversations about recipes, ingredients, where the closest grocery store is, or general travel chat.
If you’re cooking up something delicious, you could offer to share your dish, or ask someone if they’d like to join you – food has a way of bringing people together. This is how I came to meet the group of German students. They were cooking pasta in the kitchen together, and I said, “that smells delicious” as I was making a very basic cheese and tomato roll. They invited me to join them and the rest was history.
Unsure how to stir up a conversation in the kitchen? You could try saying to someone who’s cooking, “That smells great – what are you cooking?” or if there’s someone unloading some groceries, “Do you know where the nearest supermarket is around here?”
4. Join walking tours or bar crawls hosted by your hostel
Participating in hostel-organised activities like walking tours, pub crawls, a social dinner, or some other activity is a great way to meet other travellers from your hostel. These events give you shared experiences, making it easier to connect and continue chatting afterward.
When researching hostels, make sure to read reviews and even check their social media to get a better idea of what social events or activities are offered.
5. Say Hello to Roommates
The great thing about dorms is that your roommates are often the easiest people to connect with, and conversations often occur naturally as you navigate the shared room.
If someone walks in, I’ll look up from what I’m doing and offer a friendly smile or a “hello.” Likewise, when I enter the room, I make a habit of acknowledging anyone there, especially if we make eye contact—even a simple, quick greeting helps break the ice.
A simple way to introduce yourself is to say, “Hi, I’m [your name], and I’m from [your home country]. Where are you from?”
6. Start a conversation
As a fellow shy person whose greatest struggle was once not knowing how to even start a conversation, I’ve since come up with a few go-to icebreakers that work well in hostel situations:
- How long have you been in [destination]?
- How have you found the hostel so far?
- What have been your highlights here so far?
- Do you know any good spots [to eat/ for good coffee] nearby?
- I’ve only just arrived, do you have any recommendations for [things to do/ places to see]?
7. Suggest a group activity
If you’ve connected with a couple of people at the hostel – it might even be your dorm mates – suggest an activity like exploring the city, going to see a monument, or having a meal at a restaurant.
Group activities naturally foster connections through shared experiences, and can feel less intimidating than one-on-one, especially when it comes to conversation as it doesn’t rely solely on back-and-forth exchanges between just two people.
Not ready to initiate a group activity? Instead, position yourself to be invited by showing interest in what others are doing. For example, if someone mentions their plans, respond with enthusiasm like, ‘That sounds like fun!’ or “I’ve been wanting to check that out!” This opens the door for them to extend an invitation without you having to ask directly.
8. Join a game or activity in progress
Many social hostels offer board games, or ping-pong tables in their common areas – or you might spot a person with their own pack of cards – providing a relaxed way to connect with others over something fun. It’s a great opportunity to create connections without the pressure of constant conversation. If you’re keen to join, just ask, “Is there room for one more in the next game?”
Don’t feel like you can ask to join in? Casually position yourself nearby and show interest by watching or smiling at the players. Your presence and friendly approach will often prompt an invitation without you needing to ask directly.
9. Offer help or ask for help
Offering help and asking for help in hostels is a great way to make connections because it fosters mutual trust and creates moments of genuine interaction. This often leads to shared experiences, like navigating local tips or hostel quirks together.
I’ve had people ask to borrow chargers, help them understand how to work a locker, and ask where they’d find the local supermarket. I’ve also been wandering aimlessly around a hostel before looking for the laundry room, upon passing someone in the hallway, I simply asked, “Hey, do you know where the laundry room is by chance?” and they ended up walking me there. These small exchanges make you approachable and can spark connections while boosting confidence in social settings.
Got a question about how to make friends at hostels when you’re shy?
As a fellow shy person, I know initiating contact might not be something you’re super comfortable doing but I’d love to hear from you if any questions about the post about how to make friends at hostels. As always, you’re welcome to leave any thoughts or questions in the comments below and I will do my best to answer you. Or feel free to send me a message via my contact page.
